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oο楓 ^o^The Way I Am
- it's been more than a week now.
lost --- future, study, relationship, friendship, health, everything
just really complicated
am i even a true believer ? doubt it.....
forgive me .
finally finally updating sth new....it's been a year or maybe two since i've came here to write sth
xiaonei is a little invading my privacy now
i wanna upload some pics here but i don't know how anymore
how do u drag that picture into that block anyway ?
a whole new year of experiencing sth utterly different seems rather interesting
but i'm getting sick of it there. it's just a routine every single day. nothing exciting at all
the summer's too hot and the winter's too cold. it's sth i can't bear.
and all my friends have changed, have distant, have gone. or should i say i let them go.
it has just been such a whole new sensation that it hard to take it all in just like that
my english is also not doing any good, rummors has it that i have a german uncle, how cool is that.
just living the same boring days, and i would like to stay that way. no surprises maybe suits me best
relationship problems ? ne....i don't know
i wish i could turn back the clock and start all over again.
Lost Lost somewhere in between the middle...
With no result to go to ...with no hope to sleep with...
Hearing all my friends with a final destination, yet mine is somewhere out there...
Trust became so vague lately that love even hides itself behind the clouds
Of course u care, of course I care...but I have to be the goodie-goodie...and forgive
How long do u think I can take on this pressure ?
I don't even know
So complicated, confused right now...that I don't know where I should hide myself...
Fucked up with things.....God help me....I'm tortured here on Earth...
~ 最近好累。
原来我跟妈妈一样。
想离开这里。或许不该回来。
想忘掉你们。或许不该认识。
想得到解脱。或许不该这样。被牵制着。
原来这样活着。这么累。
我孤独。
- 5-12.
14:28
Remember these numbers. Date.Time.
It is something memorial for the rest of our lives.
Tragic happen...Who would've thought it came so sudden
Tragic happen...Who would've thought it struck so hard
Tragic happen...Who would've thought it brought such impact
My nanny was actually from SiChuan Province, a small town near Wen Chuan
My former MUN SC partner was from Cheng Du, hope they are doing fine
Who would've thought the dizziness I felt on the afternoon of the 12th
was actually an aftershake from the Sichuan earthquake
Who would've thought the sudden shake could kill millions of people
leaving more and more children homelessly to cry
Who would've thought us Chinese were so united that we stood by each other
and gave all the possible help that is needed just in time
Let's pray for the saviour....He keeps us in His shelter, away from harm
Let's joy for the unity...For it pulled us through agony and pain
Let's hope for the future...Because there seems to be an enlightened path in front of us
I here thank all the people who really cared during the last few days.
Whether u've donated blood or money...even if u just paid attention to the news
I thank U
Thank all Chinese for being a true Chinese
All of U should be proud of yourselves
For the next few days. Please dress formal as in respect for our country.
China is One. Because We are One.
Let's pray that all will come to an end.
New and fresh beginnings will soon meet its day!
- 你知道么
原来放下是那么容易的事情
因为痛过了 就不那么痛了
只是会一直痛
- 当你看到我的心在滴血而不是滴泪的时候
你将会知道我过得多痛苦
明天祝你生日快乐。
1年了。对不起。
希望你过得好。
流浪的心 哈
醉了
又醉了
只想要麻痹自己
一模能考好才怪呢
昨晚 揪心到差点吐
一夜就在不熟悉的环境里度过了
2点半睡觉- 5点40醒了
烦死了 想家了
打车回家
天气阴沉沉 比我的心亮点
话说第一次开房 不一般的感觉啊~
呵呵 日子太无聊了
过不久累了 人就跟心一样死了
去年的drama 今年再演一遍
我终于知道他的痛了 比我严重
你终于知道我的痛了 也不轻啊
那怎么办 请教请教
怎么调整 怎么过得潇洒
药 加量了 但是又喝那么多 会不会真中毒？
哈哈 我觉得我已经到了疯的状态了
神经病不够 又有精神病了
我跟你爸爸 哪个厉害？呵呵
Lord...我什么时候回到你的身边啊
地球太无聊了
我想回家。
Fate or Destiny ? 杯子 — 意义都没了
A cup that is not used for drinking water... but something greater
a cup that holds my passion and love...
with the sound of the broken China, my heart soon fell apart
为什么要星期六！
上午的crisis刚好 下午又这个
我的心 真的是刚粘好 又碎了
杯子。。。。。。。。。我的杯子！
在这里特别感谢晓初同学
作为一个同学 作为一个希望看到我高兴的人 给我买了杯子 让我特别感动
可是毕竟不能代替它。感情也流了出来。我的心现在还在滴血
小丹 只会变得更阴郁。
黏~~谢谢你的lasagna 爱死你了
病要赶紧好~~多吃点 都瘦了~
最近太烦人了。夜里家里居然有狼嚎。哈。
白天也不行了。
不想跟你说 怕你担心我 毕竟你还病着呢~
我讨厌今年的3月份！！！！！
- 
那一夜 我们疯狂了 我们。。。。玩起无聊的游戏 我们在大街上唱歌 我们 把 百威 就那么浪费了 我们肚子里除了 鸡尾酒 就是 鸡尾酒 那些名字。。。。 sex on the beach....什么什么motherfuckers 哈哈 5点多的大街。。。。2点多的煎饼。。。。3点多的游戏。。。。 早上。。。身上是dior 和 ck 的味道。 CK 的 IN 2 U 吧？ 太香了。 那晚。3个无聊小屁孩~~ 第二天 可恨的小孩们、以为我们不知道WP。 算了！！！ 北大。。。。这么遥远。却又跟你那么有缘分。
最近又开始吃药了 不是我不坚强。只是它不够矜持 偏要出来 让所有人认为我是个小女人。 其实我是坚强的。可是最近。。。。哎
一摸了要。没怎么准备 哎。 黏啊黏 小明啊小明啊 最近他又回到我的圈子里。我还是喜欢他的。一点点 像弟弟。 Being chased by sb. is really a fun thing....haha
心里 为什么那么不舒服！ damn......
Mixed Up I am mixed up right now...
I feel really awkward....is like I miss the people I hate
I hate the people I love...this ain't really what I'm looking forward to....
lately....i'm ok Gosh...I can finally update now...it's been a while since I wrote sth.
I'm fine I guess...it's just that tomorrow is the big exam...that really matters
But I just wasted a whole day doing....well....doing nothing in bed....
Great
And today is my former history teacher's B-day... happy B-day to her
and so is my mom's....she old now....another year passed...let's see...going to her late 40's
happy B-day to her
And...tomorrow...yeah
And...nothing much I guess
And...my nails...is still that ugly
And...I loved what he said and done today....
And...my dad is really protective of me nowdays
And...I ate the best lasagna ever ............................................................recomand!!!!!
Where can I find the best macaroni and cheese ????????????
Anyways....good luck to u all with the darn exams
145 days left before NMET
Day 144.............................
Merry X-mas Merry X-mas
Year after year. things have changed.
18. Responsiblities. Love. Family. Friends.
Senior 3. Work. Tests. Revision. Exams.
Jenny. Problems. Troubles. Sores. Pain.
Jenny. Joy. Happiness. Wild. Free.
My Conclusion for the year
Sorry to the people I've hurt. Thank u to the people I've loved.
Sorry to the people I've ignored. Thank u to the people who've stayed with me.
Merry Christmas to You All !!!
What I've done Look what I 've done............
I'm sorry
They broke up ? Oh....
I'm sorry
I had a great time but it's just not right..........
Yeah My mom's back...yeah....
But the one I care about very much is leaving for 2 yrs.
This is so not fair....
We chatted over the phone for exactly 4 hrs last night....
The thing I promised...I'll keep that promise...
Finally better....after a week in the hospital....
130. Miss u .
Day 107
100 It has been a hundred days since my B-day...
and my finger nail got .... pulled out...
It's still growing....after 100 days....
But it's ugly...very ugly...
I lost my voice again...not actually losing it completely but...
more or less like Byran Adams....that kind of feeling....
I guess is "the wail" ....
I've been so devasted this evening....so depressed...desperate...
(why do all these words begin with a "d" ?)
I guess now I have no more tears to shed....
As for the reason ? I guess I don't know....
Feels like I broke up with my boyfriend...which is totally unreal...
And now my heart hurts...actually it aches from time to time...
I guess something's gonna happen in the near future...
I wanted to watch The Bourne Identity3 tomorrow...
but no cinema is showing that film anymore...damn...
That film was the last film I've watched abroad...excluding the ones I've watched on the plane...
And me and this friend was talking about matt damon...
And then I brought up Ben Affleck.........Gosh he is cute and handsome!!!!
Not to forget VIN Diesel.....I love him.
and I was telling this friend that he should put the movie XXX in my ipod for me
And he thought I was talking about porn movies.............I was like.....all of the sudden out of dark....
Porn ???? Eh....ok...that's cool....since none of the boys took me seriously as a girl and showing me these things...
But in my Ipod.....hell no.....
New York City....hah.....I see....so you are there.....not to difficult to find...
I'm clever enough to figure it out myself....
Seeing that you're doing great I guess...then Good luck....
It's ...about a year now....and a lot has happened....
I'm sure you are more mature now....and more of a man then a year before....
And you've probably lost the interest in reading my blog as well....
Moved on to dating other girls maybe or focused on your study or career or something
No one said we have to be friends but it's my right to write...
Take care....
I saw CD's little girlfriend today on the net....she's pretty now....
more of a lady and a pretty one.....I guess....
And his mom....no not again......with the SMSs .... gosh...
And his dad...I'm sorry....I love your dad very much like my class teacher
But...your family....you know what....sometimes is the family I wish to have all my life
So don't take it for granted...ok...learn to treasure them...
They are overprotective of you sometimes...but it's all out of love
That's what my "family" is lack of....if I can call it a family....
Mom I really miss you.....You've been gone for about....how long i can't remember ?
Half a year ? 10 months ?
Are you coming back this year ?
I use to act like I don't care...
But the one thing I like when you come back is I can go to your house...
And you can give me Lancome's Miracle and Dior's Dune
Or this lipstick and that lip gloss...and oh...this Lancome's value pack and that Avon's....whatever
But mom I miss you this year...especially you...
I wanted to see if you've grown more wrinkles....if your makeup was finally able to cover those patches
I wanted to see if you are still as young as my sister...I wanna see if you've gained any weight...
I don't care if you are going to morn at me about me going to Top Universities ...
I missed your cooking mom.....I miss you....
Whose gonna teach me how to do makeup ? Mom............
I am sorrow again....
Gosh.....
a sleepless night...
endless memories of everything comes back to me tonight....
I think I'm going to get sick soon...
The tooth really hurts....a lot....
Happy anniversary to my finger nail and to you....
Day 100
1234 days left (1234?)
I should smile...it makes me cute right ??
But I've been pulling faces lately ....
Gosh....give me cheers....
Good night to you all................................................
Haven't written anything so much lately....
BTW.
Miss you Ice.....
- For the past few days...I've been lying in bed...
Thx to my cell...my Starbucks and my medicine...
Oh...not to forget tissues...
They've accompanied me for days...
And....I lost 2KG cause I haven't eaten anything for about 2 or 3 days
But...it looks like I've gain weight...
It's good to be well...or at least feeling better now...
It's good to see somebody's doing well now...
Sometimes I would still care...still think of those days...
But...what's gone is gone...
And I have to accept that...
It's winter now...and ...
And....
And....
And....
I wish I hadn't come back....
I miss you mom...
I miss the days when we were together seeing movies and go to malls...
We would go in every store and try on everything...haha
And each time we would go home with something....
I miss you daddy...
I miss the days when all three of us would go to the Union Buildings
And we would go to malls. you guys would watch me skate...
You would buy me Ice-cream...with those cones...the one that I like....
I miss the old days...
Can't we go back ?
I miss the old days cause I'm now holding onto a future that's not mine...that's not real...
I miss you mom....
When are you coming back ?
Tomorrow.....100....
alcohol 小二 + 郎姆酒 = pleasure in hell
失去了知觉 哈
疯掉了我
貌似 还长牙了。
我讨厌
我讨厌叔叔认识我
我讨厌这样。
- I'm falling apart.......
Next week Sunday. A day to end this.
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